On a train journey, one I have made countless times before, I picked up a book titled the Myth of Sisyphus. As I flip through the pages two very unsettling but simple questions come to fore: Is everything we do bound to end up with us as the protagonist of Sisyphus’ tale, like some per-ordained inescapable destiny? and secondly if Sisyphus has the choice of death, what should he choose?
On the first question the answer seems obvious – boredom is bound to catch up with us as we make our way through existence. NO matter what we do, given a long enough time line we are bound to repeat what we do. It seems to be the inescapable destiny of man that we can delay but not deny. Only escape from this boredom lies, ironically, in never asking that question in the first place. The question seeks to destroy the very intellect which brought it forth, slowly but surely draining colors from an ever expanding palette. Novelty only lasts so long and after spending a while – to use a cliché – on this isolated piece of rock very few things manage to pique our interest in that awe inspiring way that we were used to as children. Only plausible reason why we do what we do and seem to enjoy life and its droll self repeating pattern seems to be, ironically, death. Life seems to be a duality at its very heart. That very meaning and purpose with which we wish to imbue our lives makes sense only in the light of death, but in order to be able to infuse our lives with any such thing thing we must act and do as if we shall live forever. Is this ‘the absurd’? Is it then better to not ask the question at all? To live in a blind existence unaware of our ‘mere mortal’ status. This proposition seems neither tenable nor satisfying. Our inner yearning as beings, who seek reasons and patterns within the natural order, does not allow us to feign ignorance – not ask the question of our existence.
Theology though seems to have a different answer. This life is finite and having lived long enough you will feel what you feel ( Theology doesn’t answer this question) but once you’re done with this life you are bound to end up for eternity in heaven or hell. In either of those places, but lets assume heaven since that’s where theists want to head, you get to repeat things ad infinitum. Ask yourself, is this really what you want? In the word of the immortal Christopher Hitches, it would be like North Korea. Where there is nothing but endless praise for the totalitarian dictator , for disagreeing with him would lead to endless torture. Agreeing with him though would lead you to a sterile world devoid of all the pleasures, joys, happiness and sadness that a human life entails. This to me seems a disagreeable proposition. Even the best option seems to be rather repugnant.
Sisyphus seems to be role model for humanity. The straw-man human who invariably must keep repeating his life-death being the only respite.
All this naturally leads to the second question which is rather more complex. Given a choice do I extend my life for as long as possible? I would like to think not. The logical next step would be to ask if I wish to die. The answer to which has to be resounding NO. Not because there is some objective meaning to my own life that has been conferred from up above but rather because I’m the universe experiencing itself and I can choose what I wish to do with this privilege. Of all the billions of billions of billions ..and I should go on but there’s not enough space..of atoms in this universe there are just a couple of million that give rise to this complex phenomenon that can interact, respond and demand answers of this indifferent universe. I would assume that I owe it to all the other particles and atoms to live life that is full of questions and hopefully a couple of answers. To experience, not only the happiness and joy but the sadness and despair that universe has to offer. To experience the gamut of emotions of that I, or any human for that matter, can imagine or experience.
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